While obviously concerned for the safety of one so young our interview correspondent, Fr. Robbie Low, who recently interviewed Anne, did remark that at least Bink wouldn’t have starved, She is a first rate violinist and would certainly have made a good few bob as a busker.
CALL A PRIEST
According to press reports St. Mark’s Vicarage, Cambridge has been haunted by the ghost of a young woman for over 30 years. Three successive incumbents have encountered her. From 1967 Canon Bill Loveless and wife Betty saw her and heard furniture moving with regular bumps bangs and dragging sounds,. The latest incumbent, Canon Christine Farrington, saw her at an upstairs window and says there is a sense of “being lost” about the house.
Best of all was Canon Philip Spence and wife Monica who made her one of the family and let her arrange the dinner placements and sort out the doilies!
Perhaps, at the next vacancy, the Bishop should consider appointing a priest who has heard of the Requiem and can set this poor young woman free from all this clerical domestic drudgery.
NICK ERRS
ON A GOVERNESS?
Congratulations to the Revd. Nick Pigott, Vicar of St. John’s Bridgetown, Totnes. He wins “30 Days” “Moderniser of the month” award. When Miss Alison Harrop became Chairman of The Church School Governors, Lib-Dem Councillor and fellow governor John Walker resigned. Apparently Mr. Walker, a Lay Reader, thought a divorcee with two children who had just had another baby by her current boyfriend shouldn’t be “Chair” of a Church school.
The lovely Miss Harrop, exercising the diplomatic charms which obviously won her the job, described Mr. Walker as a “silly bigoted old fool”. She felt her marital status was no business of the church and, bless him, the Revd. Nick agrees.
With his go ahead views and novel way of getting lone parents into a job, the Revd. Nick Pigott is clearly one for Mr. Blair’s new list. So, as “moderniser of the month”, he receives a “Tony”.
X (MAS) FILES?
In the lead-up to Christmas, Radio 4’s “the World at One” ran a bizarre item about the Vatican.
Apparently the Pope is sponsoring a huge scientific telescope project to help “Look for God” or at least, see if there is anyone else out there. The spokesman for “Il Papa” turned out to be an R.C., Priest and Professor of Astrophysics.
The Interviewer wanted to know if R.C’s would try to convert any discovered alien life forms. The spokesman was clearly embarrassed by the way in which his Church had tried to do this in the past and spoke movingly about “the validity of other spiritual experiences” and “the need to dialogue” rather than convert. The Priest’s name? Fr. Chris Moss!
Surely they could have saved this for April 1st.
HORNY DEVILS
“Devil-Style” haircuts are causing concern to the Revd. Mike Starkey, Vicar of St. John’s Church, Finsbury Park. Top actresses, models and pop stars are having their hair piled up in twin horns and gelled in place with red and green gunge. Amongst the lovelier examples are Uma Thurman (“Poison Ivy” in Batman) and Tongue Bobbler “Scary Spice”.
The “Demon Cut” starts at a mere £80. Those who want a more permanent look can have calcium implants in their head to grow the real thing apparently. Rev. Mike thinks he may have discovered a renaissance of devil worship. More likely just another outbreak of mad cow disease.
O LORD OPEN THOU OUR LIPS
Since the arrival of clergy husbands it has been felt necessary, in some dioceses, to give the Clergy Wives Group a new, relevant, up to the minute, gender free title. Go-ahead Winchester calls their “Clergy Spice” – presumably as a plural for spouse rather than an opportunity to identify with Posh, Sporty, Scary et al. On February 28th at St. Luke’s, Hedge End a fascinating day of spirituality is in prospect for Clergy Spice. In the morning the Revd. Susan Berry will begin the prayer talks under the heading “He will draw near to you”. But the climax will come in the afternoon when Jane Gledhill, the Bishop of Southampton’s wife, will address the breathless throng on the subject of “Praying on the job”.
Presumably the day will conclude with a full service.
NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED
A large and understaffed rural diocese recently took rather a long time to fill the vacancy of suffragan bishop. Hard pressed parish clergy were hoping for someone who might understand their plight and do something to lift morale.
When the appointment finally came it turned out to be a residentiary canon from another diocese whose sole parochial experience was a three year curacy some twenty years ago. The recently departed suffragan, no friend of orthodoxy but with years of parish experience was disgusted. When a leading member of Forward in Faith next met the diocesan bishop who had made the appointment he asked the obvious question.
The diocesan was embarrassed and assured our enquirer that he had wanted somebody with good pastoral experience but there was no-one on the list. What list is this you may ask?
Er……. the list put together by all the diocesan bishops of men suitable for preferment. Never mind, the good people of the diocese can console themselves that their new suffragan’s pastoral experience was truly excellent. He was curate of a well to do parish where the vicar was ……… the other suffragan bishop in this diocese. Lucky that.
DEAR READER
Anyone wishing to construct a readership profile of this magazine would value the following information. We have had more enquiries about last month’s 30 Days item on the “Praise Potty” than any other feature which means, either
a) we have far more evangelical readers than we realised, or
b) Sigmund Freud would have had a field day with you lot?