Although I am not normally the most humble servant of my Infernal Master I am lost in admiration for the harm you caused the Enemy in your rebuke to the traditionalist African bishops.

You suggest that these bishops attacked not only homosexual practice but the mere possession of a homosexual inclination, a masterly piece of dust-scattering, and that their words could incite murder. That Africans who want death for homosexuals are Muslims is irrelevant, for the African bishops have got above themselves by getting out of step with you and, like Mr Straw, we all can’t tell one coloured gentleman from another when the light’s bad.

In talking of the sorrow suffered by homosexuals you brilliantly ignore the fact that those most awkward followers of the Enemy, the Evangelicals, have pioneered counselling for such folk. Another master stroke.

However, constant praise is against my nature, as my published letters show, so I’m not sure about your suggestion that the thugs who murdered the poor man to whom you refer had been fired up by reading traditionalist views. I can’t see your average thug rolling joints in pages torn from New Directions or texting critiques of the Windsor Report.

Far better to go for direct mud-slinging and insinuate that, as the murder occurred near Lambeth Palace, the true assailants were a gang of traditionalist bishops who’d missed the Heathrow shuttle after a Conference at the Palace, and not those currently charged with the murder. After all, as we’re both Guardian readers, we know that the Met fits up the innocent.

In making a carping comment my diabolical confidence has returned and I leave you with a final thought. If the dreadful murder of a homosexual precludes any further criticism of the homosexual life-style would the murder of a member of the BNP prevent any futher criticism of racism?

Yours infernally


(Dictated by Mr Screwtape but typed by an amanuensis Alan Edwards)