Santa Monica, California, September 2018
It was announced today that scientists at the Santa Monica Centre for Clinical Investigation have finally isolated the gene causing Liberal Theology. The problem is one which has fascinated the medical world for many years. Theories have abounded. For many years it was supposed that Liberal Theology! was caused by a virus, which like AARSA in hospitals was endemic in seminaries and faculties of higher theological education. Some were researching the supposed connection between theological liberalism and autism. Others maintained that Liberal Theology was simply a personal lifestyle choice of those who adopted it.
But the work of Dr Ephraim Rabbinovitz and his team has now identified the rogue gene beyond doubt, raising the possibility that at some time in the future parents will be able to screen for the gene in the early stages of pregnancy.
Interviewed for Ecumenical News Service International, Professor Rabbinowitz paid tribute to long deceased Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong, whose frozen brain tissue had made the research possible.
‘Spong/ said Rabbinovitz ‘was a long-term sufferer, whose books and lectures became increasingly more acute as time went on. In the final stages he insisted that he was still a Christian whilst denying every fundamental theological tenet of the Faith. There have not been many such cases, (the
condition which we have come to call ‘Spongeformity’) so it was a real piece of luck to find bits of him hanging about in the crio-lab.
It was revealed that the Bishop’s body had been frozen in the hope of resuscitation at a later stage to take advantage of advances in medical science which might take place after his death.
There,’ said a senior researcher, ‘is an example of the excesses of illogicality which mark the later stages of the condition. The Bishop denied the resurrection but hoped for immortality. /\low it should be possible to eliminate such absurdities.’
The President of the General Theological Seminary was not available for comment.