(It turns out that the most requested music at funerals is Frank Sinatra)

Our funeral music used to be
Amazing Grace, Abide With Me;
Serious anthems went down best
When we went to our last rest.

But now they sing a different tune,
Roll Out the Barrel or Blue Moon;
A crematorial surprise
Is hearing Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.

And we saw off our Uncle Ben
With Will Ye No Come Back Again?
(Ben’s wife then begged us to cremate her
To See You Later Alligator.)

At old Aunt Florrie’s swinging wake,
If I Knew You Were Coming, I’d Have Baked a Cake;
And when our granddad was a goner,
Something raunchy by Madonna.

And some there be complete life’s toils
And shuffle off these mortal coils
While all the consecrated ground
Pulsates to hear the Mersey Sound.

By all means rest from all your labours
To that maudlin theme from Neighbours;
But is it seemly to peg out
Amid the shrieks of Twist and Shout?

So what’s the tune requested most
By them that do give up the ghost?
Crimond? The Ending of the Day?
No. We boast I Did It My Way.

Peter Mullen