ND is alone among top tabloids in not having a horoscope column.

So, guys ’n’ gals, though we may be put out to grass by Gras, we’re not gonna be outshone by the Sun. We’ve asked Astrologer Al to give you a unique glimpse at his 2012 predictions. Fooler versions can be downloaded from the General Synod website DuffGen@cofe.

January: Britain will now have yet another major Lottery: FINDA-BCP, launched to chime in with 350th birthday of 1662 book. To win the big K’s, you’ll need to find six copies of the BCP in any Anglican church. A tough ask, but as Dickie Hooker used to say, ‘You’ve got to be in it to win it.’

February: FiF Council follows offer of a gift to the Ordinariate by deciding to bail out the Euro. A spokes-father said: ‘The Euro, like the Holy Father, has got an apostolic succession going back to Rome’ (Puzzled? After watching TOWI E, Google EEC).

March: Repeating the last line of a hymn to be included as an Olympic sport. Team HTB tipped for gold, tipped for gold, tipped for gold.

April 1st: Sally Bercow becomes patron of movement for ordination of women in the Catholic Church. ‘I’m pleased to be No 1. C.O.W.’ tweets Sally.

May: Despite Aled Jones offering to wear a burka, BBC decides to ditch Songs of Praise to avoid offending Muslims, who don’t approve of hymn singing.

June: Giles ‘Gaffer’ Fraser to partner Wayne Rooney in England’s Euro 2012 squad. ‘Gaffer, ’e always put ’is foot in it, and zat’s what football’s all about,’ says Capello.

July: So much fog rising from General Synod meeting discussing legislation for the ordination of ‘Betsy’s Bishops’, as the new gals on the block (bench?) are called, that the stars are blacked out and I can’t predict. Also the CRAPNAV that I’ve used to navigate round Synod has died.

What next for you, ‘Trad Lads (and Lasses)’? Anyone got Ed T’s new blog address?

Alan Edwards